WORLD GETS BACK TO DISREGARDING HOCKEY OLYMPICS 2010: VANCOUVER LUGE COURSE FOUND "TOO INTENSE" FOR GEORGIAN ATHLETES SARAH PALIN RENOUNCES RELIGION, OPENS HAND FOR STRENGTH SCIENTISTS ANNOUNCE VALENTINE'S DAY IS 'DEPRESSING' UPSTART YOUR OWN CCCP! LEBAL DROCER SCRAMBLES TO COVER UP MULTINATIONAL HEALTH DISASTER DICK CHENEY: HAITI CRISIS 'BROUGHT ON BY FLAGRANT NON-AMERICANISM' WOMEN MEASURE LOVE BY ITS DESTRUCTION VICTIM IN MILEY CYRUS BUS CRASH TRAGICALLY NOT MILEY CYRUS DEBUT ROCK BAND WHO NEVER PLAYS SHOWS ENJOYS CULT FOLLOWING OF SILENCE FANS INTERNET COLLAPSES INTO "BLACK HOLE OF PORN" NASA UNVEILS NEW PLAN TO STAY ON EARTH FOREVER, ENTITLED "WAR" AXL ROSE SEEKS WIFE WHO 'ENJOYS BEATINGS, ANAL RAPE' 90% OF AMERICANS BELIEVE THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT HAS THEIR 'BEST INTERESTS IN MIND' THE SKY, IT CALLS TO US, IF WE DO NOT DESTROY OURSELVES BOB DYLAN FALLS ON HARD TIMES: NOW SELLING PEPSI IT IS NO LONGER SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO YELL OUT 'PARTY FOUL' RUSSIA AND U.S. AGREE: NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST 'ONLY WAY OUT' KEITH RICHARDS 'STILL ALIVE' AT AGE 65 NO, YOU CAN NOT BUM A CIG AMERICAN VOTERS DISCOVER 'EVEN BLACK' PRESIDENTS ARE CORRUPT ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF NON-AMERICANS THOUGHT TO BE 'IMMIGRATION THREAT' LOCAL RADIO STATION FAILS TO GET THE LED OUT FOLLOWING TWO-FOR-TUESDAYS LETDOWN SOME WOMEN NEVER LEARN GOD TO 'CONSIDER MAN'S INPUT' FOR NEXT GENESIS LIGHTNING STUDY SHOWS 98% OF AMERICANS ARE 'GROSSLY UNDER-PATRIOTIC' WAR ON DRUGS OVER: FBI WINS NANCY GRACE RATED MOST-WATCHED, ONLY NIGHTTIME SHOCK-TV SERIES PRAVDA.RU BORROWS ELF WAX TIMES REPORTING TACTICS, SOARS TO SUCCESS BARACK OBAMA LEAVES GOLF TO FIX MARRIAGE UNEMPLOYMENT AMONG VAGRANTS PLATEAUS AT 100% RICHMOND, VA DECLARED 'WORLD'S MOST IRRELEVANT CITY' 70% OF ELF WAX TIMES VIEWERS REPORT THE SITE IS 'SAFE, READABLE' LITTLE CAESAR'S PIZZA DISCOVERED TO CONTAIN 'NO FOOD-LIKE SUBSTANCES' TAMIFLU-RESISTANT STRAIN OF SWINE FLU CONFIRMS INTELLIGENT DESIGN THEORIES

How to Maintain Power

Posted on 16 June 2009 by billywalshe

You’ve risen to power and have begun your regime by ordering society the way you see most fit. Perhaps you’ve stolen an election, denied freedom of the press, or even set the wheels of genocide in motion. No one said that consolidating power is easy, but you’ve done what you had to do and I don’t blame you.

And now, those bastards you pulled out of the gutters have decided they don’t know what is good for them. They’re speaking out against your actions and at some point you knew it would come to this. The people have amassed in your capital and are staging daily protests against your policies.

The first thing you can try to do is shut down media sources. Pull the plug on the information flow and disable the internet. Shut down phone lines and imprison any who are responsible for printing dissident material. Usually this will stop the life blood of your peon’s insurrection quite quickly. There may be dwindling protests for another day, but they will lose heart and you have almost guaranteed that their movement will not grow.

State controlled media is your best tool in this hour, and you should let the propaganda flow like what was left of last night’s Taco Bell. Any protest always represents a vast minority of public opinion, and while the protests are currently non-violent, the protesters must be represented as the escalating faction. Blame the hated political faction of your region whether they be Communists or Capitalists. Any fear you can generate will be a great aid to your power.

In some cases, protests may still occur even after you have taken care of dissident leaders and disabled all communication. This is a sign that you will most likely have to take extra measures. DO NOT BE HASTY IN PUTTING DOWN THE INSURRECTION. There is a list of things you must do before taking care of the uprising to ensure your country’s continued existence.

Firstly, have your secret police remove any foreign reporters immediately. Be extremely careful that not even one reporter leaks a single image or word after a certain point. Jail them if completely necessary, but do not treat them with the iron fist you are about to unleash upon your people. The less they have to tell, the better.

Make a gesture of goodwill to the protesters so that your propaganda machine will be able to paint you in a positive light. Do not attempt to appease the protesters, as they want to change your agenda. You must offer them a trifling insult of what they are illegally petitioning you for-an act of graceful enlightenment in the face of their ugly hatred. You can now continue with the last phase of dealing with your insurrection.

By this point, the protesters will have resorted to petty acts of violence as a way to get your attention. This is where you let the hammer fall, and let it fall hard. Even in China, the threat of military force has only angered and outraged citizens into further dissidence. Do not attempt to threaten with force at all. The protesters will assemble around the clock in their angry desperation and you can take advantage of this. Wait until the dark of night and cut off the power grid. At this point, you can let the tank treads do the rest.

Drawing on the successes and failures of other countries, I have outlined the bare essentials of putting down an insurrection. There may be many other factors involved in different situations, but remember: You know best, because you are the leader. Otherwise, you would not be in control.

1 Comments For This Post

  1. admin Says:

    That was a great episode of Seinfeld.

1 Trackbacks For This Post

  1. Haiti before the earthquake | The Elf Wax Times Says:

    [...] So what exactly is our responsibility to these people? OK, sure, let’s help them bulldoze corpses into a hole, airdrop some shit and get the fuck out. But this country has always lacked an infrastructure. They’ve never had a sanitation system and the corruption is actually concentrated in leaders who simply live way up high where weak, poor people can’t reach them. One rape-mongering police force is all this cutthroat oligarchy needs to maintain power. [...]

Leave a Reply

Categorized | News, Politics


AIM Status
Bigfoot Communist 1337 Monopoly Strats freedom ain't free'