The World’s first Black President announced America’s first official language Tuesday.

Following the announcement, President Barack Hussein Obama signed the panama canal back over to Colombia and declared his oneness with both the Virgin Mary and T-Pain.

Following shortly behind Hussein Obama’s speech, Sheikh Mohammed declared on Al-Jazeera the President’s actions to be “an acceptable beginning to further talks of uniting the Mid-East and The US once and for all.”

The only problem is that the people of both Columbia and the Middle East as a whole are against T-Pain and his “Recklessly progessive” use of Auto-Tuning software as quoted by one upset Columbian Woman.

Christina Martinez is visibly upset

Critics of auto-tuning software cite its abuse by “musicians” like the unlistenable Cher, or the overplayed Souljah Boi or whatever.

T-Pain measures the crack-cocaine ratio of this award

Since Pres. Obama’s monumental handout of the Panama canal to the Columbians there have been 4,039 oraganized protests against T-Pain, the Obama Presidency, and Auto-Tuning in general.

To import more Farsi-speaking slaves, the Colombians use the Panama Canal, taxing all other travelers for different amounts, depending on where their gasoline comes from.

The best example of our failures as a society comes from auto-tuning, unearthed as the music industry dried up following the demise of Britney Spears, Puff Daddy, and Kanye West, who does not care about white people.

“Nowadays,” said Chief Music Appreciation Expert  of The Elf Wax Times Carlos Bannana, “You can simply turn on the auto-tune machine, some phasers, set the tremelo on full-blast and play one note, listening as it magically unfolds into a unique, progressive song before your very eyes and ears.”