Archive for the ‘Local’ Category

System Administrator Disappears Under Duress, Drug Psychosis

Posted on August 24th, 2010 by a faceless conglomerate

Twisted combinations of acid and 24-hour news have turned one local man’s life into a waking nightmare.

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Sarah Palin: Happy Marmot Day!

Posted on February 1st, 2010 by a faceless conglomerate

Sarah Palin is currently a bottomless source of hysteria on FOX News, but today her fucked up political career comes back to haunt her, for tomorrow is … Marmot Day!

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Help, I’ve swallowed a fishhook!

Posted on December 23rd, 2009 by a faceless conglomerate

OH MY GOD WHAT I HAVE DONE!!!1 PLZ HELP ME PLEEEZ!!!! BR? GIBE MONEY PLZ, WTS HEAVY AXE (lol n00bz)

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Eleven dead after release of new McDonald’s “food product”

Posted on December 8th, 2009 by a faceless conglomerate

Micky D’s Darkest Day: McDonald’s claims thousands of lives every year using diabetes, malnutrition and obesity, but today was different.

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Neighborhood Puzzled By Shoe-Wearing Power Line

Posted on September 21st, 2009 by wayne

Witnesses have stated that the power line seems to be a size 11 wide.

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Illegal Monopoly strategy results in Michigan arrest

Posted on July 31st, 2009 by a faceless conglomerate

A stunning Monopoly play resulted in an arrest Thursday as a 54-year-old man robbed another player in-game.

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Area man reheats macaroni, “Isn’t the same”

Posted on June 24th, 2009 by a faceless conglomerate

Roanoke, Va. – Steve Grabowski, a Roanoke factory worker, was disappointed [...]

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Stoner realizes speed of Earth’s movement through space, blows mind

Posted on June 22nd, 2009 by a faceless conglomerate

A Cave Spring-area youth was high on marijuana today when he realized that time does not exist and therefore [...]

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Dick, Dedication, and the American Dream

Posted on May 31st, 2009 by a faceless conglomerate

Roanoke, Va.–This girl I liked when we were in ninth grade was really cute and had pretty green eyes. I told her one day as we were walking to the buses and she said ‘thank you.’ I never thought another thing of it because chasing tail, I decided, wasn’t my thing at that age. I [...]

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Noggin

Posted on May 29th, 2009 by The Cold Hard Truth

Head. Fellatio. Hummer. Blowjob. Going down. Tooting the horn. Playing the skin flute. Smoking the pole. Polishing the knob. Addressing the court. No matter what you call it, we all love it. If you can find a girl who is good at it, and will do it regularly, you should marry her…….marry her right now, [...]

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Zz4gLSAyNTA8L2xpPjxsaT48c3Ryb25nPndvb190YWJzPC9zdHJvbmc+IC0gZmFsc2U8L2xpPjxsaT48c3Ryb25nPndvb190aGVtZW5hbWU8L3N0cm9uZz4gLSBHYXpldHRlPC9saT48bGk+PHN0cm9uZz53b29fdGh1bWJfaGVpZ2h0PC9zdHJvbmc+IC0gPC9saT48bGk+PHN0cm9uZz53b29fdGh1bWJfd2lkdGg8L3N0cm9uZz4gLSA8L2xpPjxsaT48c3Ryb25nPndvb192aWRlb19jYXRlZ29yeTwvc3Ryb25nPiAtIExvY2FsPC9saT48L3VsPg==