Fuck your religion. Fuck your beliefs. Fuck your mother. Fuck your children. Fuck you.
Read the rest of this entry »Archive for the ‘Editorial’ Category
Anti-hate protest results in ‘no additional love’
The Elf Wax Times goes deep into fake hippie territory to bring you a startling exposé of despicable fear-sheep who respond better to Facebook groups than true injustices.
Read the rest of this entry »FUCK YOUR BLOG
The Elf Wax Times toils into the wee hours of the morning to bring you part one in an unlimited-part series: VOTE DOWN THE INTERNET, HAIL THE ELF WAX TIMES
Read the rest of this entry »Elf Wax Times announces anti-lesbian platform
The Elf Wax Times doesn’t hate lesbians, but statistics show that as the number of lesbians increase, the number of girls willing to fuck Elf Wax staff writers declines, threatening America’s freedom.
Read the rest of this entry »Failing failures and the failure that fails them
The money you spend on tacos and Wal-Mart trash pays for genocide overseas. Your brain is committing suicide. You are generally worthless and we don’t like you reading Elf Wax.
Read the rest of this entry »Everything must be this way
The jackals who come for me, believe in you too. I am coming. I am stalking. I am hungry. I will kill you for a meal. I will finish you. I am the new Fascist dictator.
Read the rest of this entry »Your daughter’s a whore, and not even the good kind
A brutal assessment of today’s American Dad, using excessive vulgarity and disturbing, offensive honesty.
Read the rest of this entry »Trouser Snake
Snakes are amazing creatures. They live on every continent except for Antarctica, where it is much too cold for snakes to survive.
Read the rest of this entry »Area man loses mind
Has the gubment taken your pension? Is the man keeping you down? Look no further than the government to get you back on your feet.
Read the rest of this entry »Dog Gets Off the Hook
Duane the Dog Chapman has been let off by the Black community. Did he get away with racism because of his wife’s mammoth titties or his halfassed apology on Sean Hannity?
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