The Elf Wax Times

WORLD GETS BACK TO DISREGARDING HOCKEY OLYMPICS 2010: VANCOUVER LUGE COURSE FOUND "TOO INTENSE" FOR GEORGIAN ATHLETES SARAH PALIN RENOUNCES RELIGION, OPENS HAND FOR STRENGTH SCIENTISTS ANNOUNCE VALENTINE'S DAY IS 'DEPRESSING' UPSTART YOUR OWN CCCP! LEBAL DROCER SCRAMBLES TO COVER UP MULTINATIONAL HEALTH DISASTER DICK CHENEY: HAITI CRISIS 'BROUGHT ON BY FLAGRANT NON-AMERICANISM' WOMEN MEASURE LOVE BY ITS DESTRUCTION VICTIM IN MILEY CYRUS BUS CRASH TRAGICALLY NOT MILEY CYRUS DEBUT ROCK BAND WHO NEVER PLAYS SHOWS ENJOYS CULT FOLLOWING OF SILENCE FANS INTERNET COLLAPSES INTO "BLACK HOLE OF PORN" NASA UNVEILS NEW PLAN TO STAY ON EARTH FOREVER, ENTITLED "WAR" AXL ROSE SEEKS WIFE WHO 'ENJOYS BEATINGS, ANAL RAPE' 90% OF AMERICANS BELIEVE THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT HAS THEIR 'BEST INTERESTS IN MIND' THE SKY, IT CALLS TO US, IF WE DO NOT DESTROY OURSELVES BOB DYLAN FALLS ON HARD TIMES: NOW SELLING PEPSI IT IS NO LONGER SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO YELL OUT 'PARTY FOUL' RUSSIA AND U.S. AGREE: NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST 'ONLY WAY OUT' KEITH RICHARDS 'STILL ALIVE' AT AGE 65 NO, YOU CAN NOT BUM A CIG AMERICAN VOTERS DISCOVER 'EVEN BLACK' PRESIDENTS ARE CORRUPT ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF NON-AMERICANS THOUGHT TO BE 'IMMIGRATION THREAT' LOCAL RADIO STATION FAILS TO GET THE LED OUT FOLLOWING TWO-FOR-TUESDAYS LETDOWN SOME WOMEN NEVER LEARN GOD TO 'CONSIDER MAN'S INPUT' FOR NEXT GENESIS LIGHTNING STUDY SHOWS 98% OF AMERICANS ARE 'GROSSLY UNDER-PATRIOTIC' WAR ON DRUGS OVER: FBI WINS NANCY GRACE RATED MOST-WATCHED, ONLY NIGHTTIME SHOCK-TV SERIES PRAVDA.RU BORROWS ELF WAX TIMES REPORTING TACTICS, SOARS TO SUCCESS BARACK OBAMA LEAVES GOLF TO FIX MARRIAGE UNEMPLOYMENT AMONG VAGRANTS PLATEAUS AT 100% RICHMOND, VA DECLARED 'WORLD'S MOST IRRELEVANT CITY' 70% OF ELF WAX TIMES VIEWERS REPORT THE SITE IS 'SAFE, READABLE' LITTLE CAESAR'S PIZZA DISCOVERED TO CONTAIN 'NO FOOD-LIKE SUBSTANCES' TAMIFLU-RESISTANT STRAIN OF SWINE FLU CONFIRMS INTELLIGENT DESIGN THEORIES